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<Tatum> Hello.

... Well, I do not have much of anything to say. I am proud of you for somehow managing to unearth this odd blog of mine from the depths of Neocities... you are free to bookmark this webpage and check in every now and then, as I will be updating this page daily. Please excuse my obtuse style of writing: I am autistic (if that was not already exceeding obvious). I also have two somewhat distinct styles of writing: the formal, "blocky", and scientific dictum that I am using now, and the more casual, relaxed dialect littered with contractions and apostrophes you observed in the Announcements section (when I am far more comfortable and/or simply attempting to be cordial and... approachable, in my writing).

I ought to explain more about myself, now that I have the opportunity; consider this blogpost my de-facto biography until I am able to implement a proper profile portion for myself on this forum.

You may refer to me as Operator Tatum (or by just Tatum if that is more convenient). I take interest in all things engineering (mechanical engineering, particularly), computers, robotics, and science + mathematics in general, and I style myself an artist with good know-how and skill in both 3D CAD modeling and 2D traditional drawing + a solid backlog of artwork in both fields that I have yet to share here (perhaps I ought to make a gallery?).

In terms of recreation, I tend to spend a lot of my time exploring the Neocities webpages of the other very skilled and creative netizens who bend HTML like magic. I love the internet, but I have a deep-seated distate for the corportation-colonized, capital-corrupted cancer the modern web has become today (after having spent atrocious amounts of time there and salvaging whatever good, fun parts of it I could). Frankly, that is what brought me to Neocities in the first place: a thriving microcosm weird, creative, and /human/ internet that the web always should have been. (Un)fortunately, I am not here to write a manifesto (yet): countless other people have better put into words what my embittered self is attempting to say here, and my batteries are running low anyways- or, at least, I do fantisize that I am a sort of machine with batteries... where was I going with this again...?.

...Oh, right - I wanted to talk about the games that I play!

...

Minecraft. Just Minecraft. Modded, to be exact.

I do not think I can begin to describe how much I adore Modded Minecraft. It hacks my brain, stimulates my love for engineering by forcing me to build complex machines and systems to satisfy my needs (and the questline), it informs my artwork - it is the entire /reason/ I sought to begin making art in the first place - because I wanted to design my own custom tools and weapons and trinkets and whatnot for a modpack, and translate all the ideas bouncing around in my head fueled by what I played and built in-game! Modded Minecraft slotted perfectly into my brain - I do not have a better way of putting it!

Now would be a good time to transition into what will become one of the main topics of my journal entries from here on out:!

[1994-06-12 @ 21:42:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "e9e_j1_show.jpeg"

[Enigmatica 9: Expert!]

After logging nearly 600 hours in Enigmatica 6: Expert (over 2 years of work that I will be sure to write about here too), I could feel my motiviation to play the modpack beginning to wane. Thus, I decided to take a union-mandated break from the modpack as a whole, looking for other modpacks to play. I took to looking through the whole family of Enigmatica packs (an staple series in the Modded Minecraft community spanning from Minecraft v1.11 to v1.19) discovered one of E6:E's sister modpacks: Engimatica 9: Expert.

And let me tell you: [REDACTED]

...Uh, let me also put that into more... restrained words: I have been having an absolute blast playing through E9:E! Having to collect the essences of elements (fire, water, earth, air + oddball essences of conjuration, abjuration, and manipulation), and use each of their specific powers to craft new items to progress is a very refreshing concept in my opinion! We have come a long way from the Immersive Engineering to Thermal Series tech-modpack progress pipeline... or at least I think, I have not played many of them!

The screenshot I uploaded above is my character (a skin of one of my OCs, a kooky but kindly mechanic / robotics expert called "Wilhelm")* standing in a tent cluttered with all of my belongings and storage. To give you a brief run-down: E9:E's progression starts in the Twilight Forest, and, with nothing but a tent (I choose a large Yurt) and a quiver full of arrows to your name, you have to work your way through the progression from there.

*Speaking of which, a page for my original characters is yet another addition I ought to make to this forum in the future... I reallyhave my work cut out for me, don't I? :^]

Allow me to show you around my "base" (temporary...):

[1994-06-13 @ 08:02:50] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "e9e_j1_bed.jpeg"

Here is where I sleep! Made good progress in assassinating all of the Twilight Forest bosses and minibosses, collecting the aforementioned essences (or items to craft them) as loot drops; the only boss I have not taken down yet is the "final boss" of the Twilight Forest dimension, who lives in a massive tower on a barren plateau guarded by a forest of thorns... that I happen to live right next too... here, let me upload a screenshot of it:

[1994-06-13 @ 08:03:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "e9e_j1_finaltower.jpeg"

[1994-06-13 @ 08:39:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "e9e_j1_farm.jpeg"

Farm! I do not grow much food here: only herbs and hemp (industrial)! I have never been much an early-game farmer in Modded Minecraft (possibly because I always choose to live in areas with inarable and/or inhopsitable land: at most, I plant a small farm full of varied grains and vegetables + whatever plants I specifically need for progression (i.e. herbs), but I always reserve greater farms for when I build the technology to automate them! I want to show you a meme I cobbled together satirizing this:

[1994-06-13 @ 09:05:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "e9e_j1_meme_biweekly.jpeg"

On that thought, I thought to "use" this meme template (a.k.a. hastily pasting a collage of random images onto a pre-existing meme) because, if you have ever played with the Twilight Forest mod, you may recognize those maze wafers - a food item you can find larger dungeons. After defeating the Queen Winter, I scavanged approximately 24 maze wafers from the coffers of her castle. Subsequently, my supply of food ran out, forcing me to subsist off the 4 hunger points the maze wafer gives... and then I realized that they looked exactly like weevil hardtack - a type of hard, long-lasting cracker used as rations for soldiers and pirates up into the 20th century! Compare with the previous image. The resemblance is... well, probably intentional, but still very interesting!

[1994-06-13 @ 9:10:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "weevil_hardtack.jpeg"

[1994-06-13 @ 09:17:20] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "e9e_j1_machinery.jpeg"

[1994-06-13 @ 09:20:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "e9e_j1_machinery2.jpeg"

Screenshots of all my machines, strewn about on the left side of the tent. The first image shows all of my source-powered apparatuses ("source" is a type of magical energy in this modpack. For the time being, think of source as a kind of mystical nature syrup). From left to right on the first image: an imbument chamber with 3 pedastals around it (machine multiblock, used for crafting essences and infused rock (another material, needed for making compressed stone for machines); a potion jar; an alchemical sourcelink (generator block, draws source out of the potions stored in nearby potion jars), a source jar (tank block, used for storing source, source from the alchemical sourcelink is transferred here). The second image shows my rotation-powered apparatuses (from the well-known mod "Create").

That is all for now. I am very glad that you took time out of your day to read through my ramblings! Apologies that this journal entry ended so abruptly: I ran out of power, and I can feel my battery terminals slowly corroding whenever I try and push myself to work through my executive dysfunction.

In spite of all, have a good day. Operator Tatum, logging off...

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<Tatum> Hello again. Tatum here.

While working on the Anim-Admin model, I got... a little side-tracked... and decided to start a new side-project. More specifically, I thought it would be a good idea to practice modeling clothes for my models, trying out different methods and also use it as an exercising in texturing.

[1994-06-15 @ 22:04:40] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "clothes_test_20240614_0.png"

[1994-06-15 @ 22:04:42] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "clothes_test_20240614_1.png"

[1994-06-15 @ 22:04:44] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "clothes_test_20240614_2.png"

I made a simple, crude robot model as a base (no name yet), then I made 3 different pieces of topwear for her: a simple bra (img 0), a t-shirt with a design on it (img 1), and a clerical cloak (img 2). The bra was used to practice modeling straps and underwear, the shirt was used to practice modeling clothing on multiple layers (bra is 1 layer below), and the cloak was used practice modeling clothing with collars and buttons (extra elements).

Overall, I am very satisfied with these tests. On that thought, I may actually consider polishing this base model and turning it into a new original character. Although, I may keep the crudely painted-on face - I have taken quite the liking to it... very charming! Their haircut and cloak makes me think of them as a friar - pious and austere, but sociable. Perhaps they could have a built-in VHS player, for religious music and audiobooks! My ideas for them are a bit vague at the moment, but at the very least I /have/ ideas for them in the first place!

In other news, progress on the Anim-Admin has gone excellently! I have now reached the final stage of my model work flow where I passively update the model every now and again, for the most part satisified with it in its current state but still leaving the door open if I happen to come up with any more ideas.

[1994-06-15 @ 22:41:06] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "anim-admin_wipii-0.png"

[1994-06-15 @ 22:41:08] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "anim-admin_wipii-1.png"

I am particularly proud of how the CRT displays and minor computer details (heat vents, strange drawers I know not the actual purpose of but added in anyways) turned out. For the screens, I used a technique where the texture for whatever is being displayed on a screen (i.e. the Anim-Admin's eye and mouth) is painted onto a flat plane floating just above the screen - so that, come time for animations, the display can easily be edited or swapped (i.e. different facial expressions) without having to touch the main texture that the screen is... hopefully that makes any sense, again, I am not exactly much of a coherent writer.

BONUS:

[1994-06-16 @ 12:01:05] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "clothes_test_20240614_bonus.png"

I added more detail to the base's face...

That is all. Tatum, logging off...

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<Tatum> Hello again.

Consider this a mini-journal entry, in that I wanted to quickly write about a useful work-around I discovered in Enigmatica 9: Expert before I forget or lose the energy to write later...

Since E9:E spawns you first in the Twilight Forest, and access to the Overworld is locked behind progress between both the Twilight Forest /and/ another dimension mod, many resources that would be considered common and junkin any other modpack become exceedingly rare, limited, or otherwise difficult to acquire reliably. Of these resources, lava is the most significant, used for crafting important materials like Fiery Metal and Sturdy Sheets.

Now, as far as I am aware, lava can only generate in a handful of places - of which I have only managed to find one:

[1994-06-16 @ 10:04:24] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "phantom_maze_pool.png"

...As sizeable pools in the Phantom Knight mazes... which I discovered completely on accident after taking a wrong turn during an expedition through one...

While seemingly being enough to supply our lava demand for the forseeble future (measuring at about 14x14 meters* and a depth of at least 3 meters, for a total of 588 cubic meters of lava), the pool itself is located several hundreds of meters away from my encampment, forcing me to make long and tedious trips to and from the source every time I need lava. Furthermore, I have no actual way to safely and efficiently drain a pool this large at the moment - excluding, say, the copper pump from the Create mod, however such a set-up would still be hindered by the long-travel times I mentioned previously.

*I use meters and blocks interchangeably for Minecraft measures.

Thus, I needed to come up with a way to generate lava locally... and I had an idea...

[1994-06-16 @ 10:20:25] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "glyph_of_conjure_CHEESE.png"

(Ab)using the Glyph of Conjure Terrain from Ars Nouveau, I became able to conjure cobbled deepslate (Projectile -> Conjure Terrain -> Amplify -> Amplify)...

[1994-06-16 @ 10:??:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "smelting_CHEAPslate.png"

...which I then smelted into regular deepslate (a resource completely unavailable in the Twilight Forest under normal worldgen, I ought to mention)...

[1994-06-16 @ 10:??:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "essence_of_MANIPULATION.png"

...and then, with the Essence of Manipulation, transformed into tuff...

[1994-06-16 @ 10:??:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "caseus_formaticus_dripstone.png"

...that itself gets transformed into dripstone...

[1994-06-16 @ 10:??:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "drip_drip_the_sound_of_molten_CHEESE.png"

...that I can finally use to make a renewable lava-dripping set-up!

Oh right: I can get the dripstone stalagmites from breaking apart dripstone blocks over a cutting board. I did not feel like mentioning it because I ran out of cheese-y .PNG file names.

On another, related note: the Glyph of Conjure Terrain is capable of creating not just deepslate, but dirt, sand, stone, et cetera, given the correct arrangement of augments. For example: sandstone can be created with the arrangement: (Projectile -> Conjure Terrain -> Amplify -> Crush). I mention sandstone here because it is also an important resource...

[1994-06-16 @ 10:??:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "sandstone_to_niter.png"

You see, sandstone, when hit with a Crush spell, can be broken down into Niter crystals...

[1994-06-16 @ 10:??:??] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "niter_fertilizer.png"

...used for the production of industrial fertilizer...

...a key ingredient in a crucial object known as the "Shard of Renewal"!

"What is the Shard of Renewal? Why did you not show the recipe? Why is it important? Why is /any/ of this important?" You may be asking yourself...

And to that, I respond:

...

...Tune in next time...

Tatum, logging off...

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[1994-07-02 @ 10:08:00] [main/CHAT] <Tatum>: Before you read this journal entry, I ought to mention: I had to go back and take the time to "clean-up" my writing here because... well, uh, I do not tend to, uh... proofread... my writing? Whenever I get very excited about a topic, that is. Of course, I did my best to make this entry sound even remotely coherent... but do be warned... :^I

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<Tatum> Hello again. Tatum recording here.

Well... it has been a while, has it not?

Apologies for leaving my (1) readers in the dark for... 14 days!? Augh, damn dyschronometria! Uh... well, I ought to explain: my energy bank bottomed out breviter tiem (briefly), and I lost passion for work, both in making art and updating this webpage. Though I am not sure while, I assume actively cloistering myself away in my home during the "Get Out and Go Outside For Once" season is the root of it.

In that state of mind, I would pass the time by watching movies and TV shows; I rewatched Clone High S1 (all-time favorite), side-eyed Clone High S2, and, what I want to focus on for this journal, finally got around to watching Wreck-It Ralph (2012).

I will not bother reciting the plot of it here. Please watch (pirate) the first movie yourself (and avoid the second) - I will be spoiling the entire movie below, and I intend for this review to be read by others who have seen the movies for themselves to know what I am talking about.

Now, if you do not mind me rambling aimlessly: I /adore/ this movie! Possibly one of my favorite movies of all-time (although I have not watched many...). The writing is top-notch, with every one of the characters having both great motivations and likeable personalities that play off of each other extremely well. Ralph's mid-life crisis over simply wanting to be accepted for who he and what he does makes him a very relatable character (much more than the typical Disney protagonist), and very easy to root for throughout the movie. I think that it is his much more "real" conflict is what makes him such a strong charachter (metaphorically, though he also very literally strong too :^]) Vanellope is great too: her personality balances being "annoying" to Ralph (and other characters) while making sure to /not/ be annoying to the audience very well. Her father-daughter relationship with Ralph is very well-built, too, at first only being out of necessity and convenience, before geninuely bonding over their shared desire for acceptance and. Plus, her glitching being a metaphor for disability (hinted at by Vanellope referring to it as "Pixelexia", a play on the reading disability "Dyslexia") I relate to alot - with the cards I have been dealt, I got the whole neurodivergent Triple-Threat: Autism, Attention-Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder... plus a myriad of miscallaneous malladies vis Misophonia (alliteration combo! :^] Even pulled out a real obscure word their just to keep the flow!), so watching her become beloved by the players, disability and all, in the resolution was hit close to home! Objectively speaking, it also strengthens the movie's themes of acceptance ten-fold, and broadens the reach of this movie's message! Felix's southern charm and good nature making him very charming (I cannot help but feel flattered every time he flirts with Calhoun... the writers of this movie pulled of the hopeless romantic character very well); his personality being balanced out by Calhoun's seriousness makes for a lot of great interaction between her and Felix, and makes her dialogue during the B-plot a refreshing change of pace from the comedy (which I do like too) of the rest of the movie (I think of her as an almost anti-comic relief character at times)!

On that thought, I ought to give Wreck-It Ralph praise for managing to handle the emotional scenes despite being he emotional scenes land perfectly, too! Now, I do not consider myself the type to cry at movies, but I could feel tears welling up in my eyes during both the scene where Ralph wrecks Vanellope's car and in the climax where Ralph finally accepts himself while nearly sacrificing himself to erupt the cola volcano to stop the cy-bugs from destroying Sugar Rush in its entirety. Both of these scenes (and many others) are expertly crafted, which is why I think they work; the motives of each character and plotline collide in ways that feel very naturally and both enrich the characters themselves as, well, characters, and move the plot along very logically. Conflict only works if it makes sense and feels natural, which is why poorly-made conflict always feels forced, because it never would have happened otherwise.

The art direction of Wreck-It Ralph... look, I am running out of words to articulate my points, but I adore it all! I will be taking a lot of inspiration from these environments, that is for sure! (I /have/ been meaning to work on my background-drawing skills...)

I could go on, and on and on and on... but, truthfully, I feel that I am already repeating myself. If you feel so compelled to know what I think about everything else about this movie, just search up "synonyms for fantastic" on your favorite search engine and read through the list... save yourself some time.

But! I do have one final, favorite part of Wreck-it Ralph that I would love to talk ramble incoherently about...

[1994-06-29 @ 14:26:04] [main/INFO] <Tatum> uploaded an image: "turbo_tastic.jpeg"

TURBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Turbo... as in, "I Would Make An Windows Movie Maker AMV About This Character" level of love...

The concept, the aesthetics, the implicit horror of his selfish actions resulting in the absolute omnicide and deletion of two entire worlds of people... and him being unrelently unrepetent about it all... his design, his personality, his jaundice...

I even drew a crude sketch of him - an honor(?) only reserved for my OCs, and, well, random characters that I grow very attached too... Here, I pasted it onto the database's art gallery! Scroll to the seventh image down.

[1994-6-29 @ 15:01:25] [main/INFO] <Tatum> tore a wormhole through digital space-time and opened up a hyperlink to the directory /GALLERY

[/GALLERY]

I tried to capture the egomanic glee of his game sprite while adapting his design to my style... and I did a good job at that! The eyebags went well with the eye-shape I chose, and the full-on, square grin communicates how unhinged Turbo is decently well!

That should be all for now, though this is not the last you will see of Turbo on this webpage... apologies if journey entry was... more poorly-written than usual. Whenever I talk about something that excites me (i.e. a movie that I love), I have a habit of speedtalking/speedtyping, trying to get as much information about something out as fast as possible without any regard to grammar or coherency... Nevertheless, I thank you for reading.

Tatum, logging off.

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<Tatum> Hello all. Tatum here.

...

Um...

Look... In time between the last site update 94w27a and the new slew of maintenace for upcoming update 94w29a... I got hyperfixated on a random, doomed cartoon from the late aughts... "Making Fiends"...

Okay!! The little bacteria in the show have hijacked my brain!! All about the show - the artstyle, writing, characters... cult-classic!! Went abnut scavanging through the entire internet for any fanworks and information a night ago... checked the clock half-way through and noticed the time read "03:00"! A.M! Had made my body completely forget to sleep because I had been too busy putting all of my brainpower into thinking about the damn Making Fiends!!

'

SCP articles are not scary to me anymore... the cognitohazards and memetic hazards and info-hazards and See-It-With-Your-Damn-Eyes hazards are REAL!! And they are all in the obscure and very well-made cartoons!!

...

Um, yeah... I am in no state to give a solid thought-piece about Making Fiends... rather, let me refer you to the multiple images I collected... pulled a real SCP-●●|●●●●●|●●|●... the show is has a lot of very funny frames!!

[1994-07-17 @ 12:11:08] <Tatum> uploaded a data packet containing (8) files: "MAKING-FIENDS_FOUND-FOOTAGE"

My favorite single-celled organisms....

That is all... very brief blog today... I am very autistic about them... you /will/ be hearing me ramble more about them later... Tatum, logging off!

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<tatum> hallo ... tatum reporting ...

not much going on ... not much , uh ... juice in my brain to , er , write up a journal entry ...

... [*cough*]

... I found a big strawb ... [*typing sfx*]

[1994-11-10 @ 18:50:22] [locale/uploads/IMG] <tatum> uploaded an img : " strawb.jpeg "

[ /!\ ] :: IMG COGNITOHAZARD " MEDIA/STRAWB.JPEG " BLOCKED BY STRATA ROSA THORNWARE © FIREWALL

if you respect it , say " i respect the big strawb " out-loud .

...

by the way , good news ! : i am picking up ENIGMATICA IX : EXPERT [*cough*] ouh , uh , do not know how that came out of me ! but yes : i dropped both it and all other games back in june ... but now , after ramming into an art-block today and growing a geninue feeling of mental hunger for that block game ... i think now may be a good of time to return to my homelands ...

back in june , i made my iron verdict that games were getting in the way of my work ... my already desync'd and decalibrated eyes straining themselves thin over work that cannot endure ... worlds and games and scores i forget the second i walk away . what use is time if enjoyed , but wasted ?

... well , uh , i was half-wrong ! ( the best kind of wrong ! :*] ) i did not process it til much later , but the games i love fuel what i make : input time , output ideas ... no waste at all in the activity ! plus , though i thought it a bit hedonistic then , playing games and having fun is ... well , what is that word ? ... hygenic ! you work /and/ play ! balancing forces keeps the world spinning ! :*]

i am adding more here in /real-time/ while i trek through my world ... do not touch that dial or backspace button , folks ! i am just getting started !

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[y1-1113 @ 15:05:00]

<tatum> start tape .

<tatum> ... [*raise voice*] i am boy-crazy !!! & girl-crazy !!! & all-crazy !!! & maybe flat-out crazy !!!

<tatum> not in a deluded way ... but more of a ... /Mabel Pines/ kind of way ! [ affection module temp : 50°c ] when i look at & talk to ... uh , anyone ! guy or gal or scoundrel ... look at a friend i know & am crushed ! on-line & off-line !

<tatum> my friend & partner in my engineering II class ... my brain clocks how [ compatibility rating : high ] : deadpan but motivated , hard-working ... we built a remote-control tank out of aluminum plates & gears ( much alike legos ) ... good bonding ! but i know that [ notes : higher-grade affection ( >+friend ) => one-way for ID ] . i am not deluded , no , but am plainly off-my-rocker !

<tatum> and my friends over-the-cables , uh- [*pause*]

<tatum> ... i should hold thoughts of that caliber closer to my casing ! volatile infohazards : i cannot risk mishandling them , for that would put others in a pickle ! oh no !

<tatum> [*out-of-breath*] ... y'know ... i am aware of my , uh , nature : i am hardwired to love ! i make friends & share & help ... a social variant of altruism ... but is this strange way of handling crushes my nature too ? or a /softwired/ corruption of what i am built for ...

<tatum> i cannot know now , but i may know later ! i have to keep digging into my own code ...

[y1-1113 @ 15:12:00]

<tatum> uh , oh : business to discuss about the database !

<tatum> i am updating sys formatting for all future typings ... adding more space for symbols , ( see : my typing here ! ) ... i have a good lot of space to pack here , look around at all that dead space !

<tatum> + updated the timecodes ! prior , time read -> ex. " 1994-11-13 " : now changed -> ex. " y1-1113 " . " y# " = " year # " , denotes anything during the time of the databases # year of business ... tatumic new year @ jun 11 , database anniversery !

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[y1-1130 @ 14:46:00]

<tatum> if you are readin' this ... well , then i am doin' a damn good job @ wranglin' my brain ...

<tatum> am writin' to distract my body , & fight off a couple a' ... nasty urges .

<tatum> addiction . ain't gonna' talk on that much - don't take it the wrong way , but it ain'tcha' beeswax ... but , the bottom-line : what a pain in the brain !

<tatum> thank the heavens & the hells i have a place to write it all down ... i am no good with keepin' my stats in check ... but the more i ramble here , the longer i can prolong comin' back - & boy am i good at ramblin' !

<tatum> y'know , i think i had a goal in mind here - a kinda' topside-the-soapbox verdict that i could carve on my tombstone - or you could carve on yours , but ... no . there ain't nothin' to say : no moral , no end : hear your nerves crackle & try & make morse code out of it - you'll have better luck than makin' heads & tails out my incognitum ...

<tatum> note my more ... well , what's a good word for it ? :: { " casual " , " defeated " } [ ? ] ... ah heck ... what can i say : i type the way i talk , & when i get all metacognitive , the words roll right off my tongue - hence the infestation of apostrophe ( meanin' fumagate the whole database , but never got around to it ) .

<tatum> that , & the more pictographic way i organize my thoughts , all them braces & ampersands & what not ...

[y1-1130 @ 15:02:40]

<tatum> hey , am actually feelin' better already ! who'da' thought it : ...

<tatum> it tracks : humans brains want to work . don't give em nothin' to do , they , uh ... /wander/ ... for [ +++ ] or for [ --- ] .

<tatum> think humans are lazy ? uh , that's only 'cause the play is made more allurin' than the work . same thing with morality : humans want to do good and be good , but " evil " 's always gonna' have more to offer on the face of it ... though its always a scam .

<tatum> and play ain't a bad thing : gotta' have balance ... but that's the thing : can't have all the play and no work ... and , uh ... uh ...

<tatum> look , i am runnin' outta' juice : gotta' shut my whole scheme down for a second ... risk fallin' back in the same state low-brain function i came here to fix ...

<tatum> take whatever you can away from this whole diatribe ... frankly , i got two things on my mind , but the one i really care about is that maybe , if the lightwaves bounce off the optic cables just right ... maybe one (1) poor sap who got their body stuck in a hole they dug just like me finds their way here ...

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